it wasn't lemon gatorade
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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