Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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