its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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