Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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