Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
How does one acquire holy water?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
