Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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