We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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