He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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