i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
