i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I wear drunk well.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
