Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize