Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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