I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
