I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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