So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
