my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize