I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
