Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
