Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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