someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
