i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
