Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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