If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
farters have to be the big spoon...
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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