I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
