My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
