I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
