Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Randomize
