I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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