Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
