im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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