we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
