he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
