And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
