I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
