yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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