In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
