True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
