Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
