Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
you didnt know i had herpes?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Randomize
