The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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