He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
