Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
