i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I want her autograph on my taint
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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