it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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