We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
