no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
