it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
