Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
