At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
