remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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