listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
