went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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