my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
two words...techno handjob
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
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