she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
