Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
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