woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
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