don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
