i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
