I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
