Pappa wants mamma naked
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
