I'm gonna have a badass scar
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
