They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
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