Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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