Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
you would pick up someone in the library
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
